Case closed

Roger Clemens has been hard at work with his pencil, calculator, fingers and toes. After some real deep number crunching, he's declared himself innocent of drug use. Call up Congress, cancel the hearings. It's full of fancy colors, charts and theories such as "here's a list of Hall of Famers who also pitched into their 40s," and "if Clemens is on drugs so was Nolan Ryan, Curt and Randy Johnson because they struck out a lot of people when they got old too."

My favorite is some random chart compiled by the Rangers at the end of the report that says Clemens would have gone 24-3 with a 1.87 ERA if he pitched for that team in 2005. Just imagine what he could have done that year with the Rangers if he were on the juice.