Treading water

The Red Sox and Rays each split their double headers against the Blue Jays and Yankees, so we remain two games out - not impossible to make up, but it's looking like a sweep in Tampa this week may be necessary.

The Phillies won handily, but only picked up a half game on the Mets, who split their double header against the Braves. OK, that's improvement (2.5 games out) - plus, they picked up a whole game on the Wild Card-leading Brewers, whose lead is now two games heading into tomorrow's double header. The Astros, in limbo because of Hurricane Ike, are a half game behind the Phillies.

Young Cole Hamels may have been paying attention to Jamie Moyer's outing the other night. It wasn't his best start, but he gutted it out for 6.1 innings to get the win as the Phillies beat the Brewers 7-3.

Most of the offense (except Pat Burrell and Carlos Ruiz) pitched in, led by three hits, three runs and two RBI by Jimmy Rollins.

They have to at least split tomorrow's double header, but if they sweep, I'm believing again. {I'm already there; I hope tomorrow's not a letdown.}

Red Sox: In the first game, Paul Byrd pitched like the crappy Paul Byrd I've been expecting, and the Sox lost a gutless performance 8-1 with only five friggin' hits. The box score looks like a spring training game. David Aardsma got beat around, too - when did he come back? Kevin Cash pinch hit for Dustin Pedroia and stayed in the game at third base; that's his first major league appearance at any position besides catcher.

The Sox finally woke up late in the second game. After trailing 5-2, they scored a run in the 6th and 7th and three in the 8th to win 7-5. Bartolo Colon returned, and it looks like Fat Bart didn't do too bad; he gave up five runs, but only two were earned, over six innings. Three-hit nights for Jason Bay and Dustin MVPedroia.

All tied up with one to go

Not pictured is Ryan Howard's fourth strikeout to lead off the 9th against Jonathan Papelbon, who also struck out the next two batters to close out Jon Lester's 3-0 win. The Red Sox-Phillies series is tied at one. The decisive game, a Businessperson's Special, is tomorrow at 1:05.

Tonight's story was Lester, who like Cole Hamels last night, showed how a good young lefty can dominate even the best of offenses. He tossed seven shutout innings with a walk, six hits and five strikeouts.

It looked like it would be a short night for the venerable Jamie Moyer, as the Red Sox rolled up his pitch count thanks to five walks. (Christine thinks the umps weren't calling strikes for him.) But the cagey pitcher managed to last five innings, yielding only two runs.

Not much to speak of from the Red Sox bats. Coco Crisp hit a two-run homer in the 2nd and scored the third run in the 6th. Led by his two stolen bases, the Red Sox tied a club record with six, including one by the dreamy Sean Casey. It's not what you think: Look closely at his scoreboard photo above. It's not the typical game face or smart-ass grin that typically graces the big screen. No, it's puppy dogs and rainbows. He looks head over heels or something.

Observations from the stands: We were still higher than usual, but aligned nearly directly behind home plate. ... The field looked a bit better, but you could still see the Jimmy Buffett remnants. ... They're no Hooters, but the Dartmouth Cords did a good job with the National Anthem. ... In the 1st, J.D. Drew had a good strategy, hitting a grounder right at Ryan Howard, who promptly coughed it up. But it bounced right toward Chase Utley, who retired Drew 3-4-3. ... After Jimmy Rollins grounded out on the first pitch in the bottom of the 1st, Shane Victorino bunted his first pitch for a single. "What the hell is he doing?" Christine said before she even knew he'd be safe. Utley then made up for it with an 11-pitch fly out. ... We saw a guy in an old-school Expos hat. I guess all Expos hats are old school. ... Pat Burrell likes newspaper word jumbles, according to the "Ask the Phillies" segment that runs between innings. ... After a leadoff walk by J-Roll in the 6th, Mike Lowell speared a liner from Victorino and was able to double off Rollins at first. ... After Hideki Okajima struck out Chase Utley to end the 8th, I did a little fist pump. Christine punched me. ... Before the 9th, they showed Jon Runyan of the Eagles on the scoreboard to pump up the crowd. Didn't work.

Also ineffective was the Phanatic's attempt to spoof Papelbon by breaking out his Riverdance shtick. When the "umpire" ripped off his uniform to show off his kilt and join the dance, Christine thought it explained why the Red Sox seemed to get all the calls tonight.

The fans bugged us more than usual tonight. No one can stay seated during a game. I understand getting up once or twice, but people were getting up once or twice an inning with no regard to whether a pitch was about to happen. I think I missed 25 percent of the pitches in the game because people were standing in the way. "Why do we go to games again," mused Christine, who was also aggravated by some obnoxious Phillies teenagers sitting behind us. They came to "beat up some Red Sox fans" but showed their mettle by taunting Jacoby Ellsbury after he was caught stealing in the 9th and Papelbon for striking out Howard because "he's the easiest guy in the world to strike out." I won't mention the crude things they said.

Odds and ends: It seems Bartolo Colon, headed to the 15-day DL, tweaked his back Monday when he struck out so poorly his helmet fell off. There's more ammo for Hank Steinbrenner's crusade to bring the DH to the National League. And listening to the Mets game on the way home, the announcers said there was already some incident with Jose Reyes and Jerry Manuel. Details fuzzy at the moment.

Phillies draw first blood

In the first game of the 2008 World Series prequel, there was about five minutes all night when it seemed like the champs would win in Philly. Then the Phillies soundly beat the Red Sox, 8-2.

Before Bartolo Colon could say cheesesteak, Jimmy Rollins hit a lead-off homer. Then Ryan Howard squared off against fat Bart in what may be the heaviest matchup in baseball history - more than a quarter ton combined. Ryan Howard won the battle of the bulge, creaming a two-run homer. He made it 4-0 with a solo shot in the 4th. Colon was lifted after four with back spasms.

In the bottom of the 5th, the Sox showed some life with solo home runs from Dustin Pedroia, who snapped out of a slump tonight and was a triple shy of the cycle, and J.D. Drew, who is still so beloved in Philly that all the fans go "Dreeeeewwwww!" whenever he bats. {I think Greg needs to get his hearing checked. They were saying Boo-urns.}

But then things got ugly in the 6th when Terry Francona called upon Mike Timlin, an unsung hero for several Red Sox postseasons. He didn't have it tonight: He recorded two outs, but gave up four runs. It was painful. Timlin's been a warrior for us, but maybe he's done. His ERA is now 7.06, although a fellow Red Sox fan points out that in 19 games between his first four disastrous outings and tonight, he has posted a 2.89 ERA. When Francona removed Timlin, for some reason the fans again started their J.D. Drew cheer for the former Phillies manager.

Individual stars: Cole Hamels shut down the champs for 7-plus innings. He also showed great hustle, almost beating out a ground-out to first. He did get a hit in his fourth at-bat. ... Howard, 3-5 with two homers and a triple. Yes, a triple. Jacoby Ellsbury misplayed it. ... Rollins, 3-5 with a homer and three RBI. ... Pat Burrell, 2-2 with two walks and a triple. Yes, a triple. (See Ryan Howard's.)
The plastic Red Sox helmet the Phanatic smashed put up more of a fight tonight than my team.

Observations from the stands: Our seats were 12 rows higher than our normal seats. We couldn't believe what a difference that made. Then again, we were only one row from the top of the stadium. ... Worst heckle of Manny Ramirez: "Get a haircut." ... They played "Feliz" from Feliz Navidad again after a nice defensive play in the 5th. ... Colon striking out feebly in his two plate appearances was hysterical - he lost his helmet on one swing. ... Hamels made a nice snare on a liner hit by Jason Varitek. ... The crowd was actually civil for a Sox-Phils game. I didn't get heckled, and there really didn't seem to be any ugliness. ... Time of game: 2:42.

Musicians at Citizens Bank Park: Jimmy Buffett and his Parrotheads left the field a mess. It looked worse in person than it does in the picture. The grass was yellowed all over the outfield. Thankfully, it seems mostly cosmetic, and no one got injured. Hooters frontmen Rob Hyman and Eric Bazilian were more respectful of the playing surface when singing the National Anthem tonight. {Amusingly, they played the beginning of "And We Danced" before kicking into the anthem.}

The 2008 World Series begins Monday

"Oh no, it's tomorrow," Christine said upon realizing what's to come. She'll have to deal with thousands of marauding Red Sox fans and probably some not-too-nice comments coming our way from the Philly denizens as they spot a couple wearing competing colors when the Sox and Phillies square off tomorrow night - the first such meeting since SoxandPhils made its debut.

"Bring it on," I say. Never mind that we have Bartolo Colon against Cole Hamels in the opener; we've faced worse odds than fat Bart vs. the young and talented Mr. Hamels.

Today, the Red Sox look locked and loaded for National League warfare: Josh Beckett was an ace again for seven innings as the Sox beat the Reds 9-0. Jacoby Ellsbury had three hits and set the team's rookie record for stolen bases in a season. The seasons he, Jon Lester and Justin Masterson are having make me really pleased we didn't trade for Johan Santana.

Although Jonathan Papelbon coughed one up Saturday, the Sox came back and took two of three in Cincinnati.

The Phillies, meanwhile, head in the opposite direction. Remember the saying "Tinker to Evers to Chance?" Today, it was, "Utley to Gordon to ... uh-oh." After Tom Gordon got two outs in the 10th, there were two ground balls to second; each would have ended the inning. But first Utley erred, then Gordon erred. Game over: Cardinals 7, Phils 6. Combined with Saturday, when Kyle Lohse outpitched Adam Eaton (who again didn't stink!?!), that's two straight losses since Friday night when the Phillies impersonated a football team.

Travel update: Our friends have the cutest little Red Sox hat for their baby. Every infant should have one. {No way. Cute little Phillies hats only. And even though Greg didn't mention it, Kush is cute with or without the hat.}

I gave my Dad an unexpected Father's Day gift - unexpected in that it surprised me, too. I got rid of a couple boxes of junk I have left in his attic - mostly old books, scorecards and magazines. Christine's pleased with how much I threw out, but I salvaged a few that I'll be sharing with the blog once this week's craziness subsides.

Sox-Phils interleague history, 2007: The Phillies and Red Sox wrapped up their exhibition schedule with a two-game set in Philly. I didn't want to go. (I'm not a fan of exhibition baseball.) But when I heard our new Japanese import Daisuke Matsuzaka was scheduled to pitch in the finale, I decided I should go because who knows when I'd get to see him live.

I don't remember much, except it was cold and Dice-K wasn't impressive.

They didn't play any meaningful games in 2007 because the Rockies swept the Phillies out of World Series contention. Tomorrow begin the preview of this year's fall classic. We'll update with our story and pics (unless Christine gets so mad at me that she won't edit the photos) as soon as we can.

A new all-American hero

Big Papi is now Big Daddy, as he became an American citizen today. He didn't make a presidential endorsement. And because he's hurt, David Ortiz didn't get to run on the field with a little American flag, as Manny Ramirez did in 2004.

Also unclear is which Red Sox will be next to pledge allegiance - Daisuke Matsuzaka or Hideki Okajima.

The Red Sox celebrated with a 6-3 win over the Orioles, fetching career win No. 150 for Bartolo Colon. (Didn't he just pitch?)

Things weren't so cheery for the Phillies. Cole Hamels had a strong start - two runs in 8 innings with 12 strikeouts - but his mates abandoned him and trailed 2-1 in the 9th. Erik Bruntlett, on second after pinch-running for Greg Dobbs and a walk by Jimmy Rollins, stole third. Shane Victorino struck out. Bruntlett scored when Chase Utley grounded to short and the Marlins couldn't wrap up the double play.

So the Phillies would have to wait until the 10th to get the lead - just a matter of Tom Gordon in the 9th. Oops. Grand slam, Dan Uggla. Welcome back, Flash. Your ERA is back in the 5's for the first time in more than a month. The Phightin's are now 0-2 since the national media hopped on the bandwagon.

Sox-Phils interleague history, 2003: This is the year things started to get really good between our teams, as they kept swinging haymakers at each other and the Phillies taking the home series 2-1. The series started in June and ended in September.

With a Friday night rainout, Saturday became the first game - the infamous Todd Pratt walk-off homer off of Rudy Seanez (then a Red Sox). Great starts by Randy Wolf and Pedro Martinez yielded a 2-1 Red Sox edge after 7 innings. The Phillies tied it, and the score remained 2-2 into the 12th, when each team swapped runs. In the 13th, the Red Sox scored two runs after the first two men struck out. Jose Mesa, the eventual winner, was pitching. In the bottom of the inning, the Phillies rallied to score three, capped by Pratt's two-run homer. (I kept a pretty good scorecard, but don't know what would have happened if the game went on three more innings.)

We didn't buy tickets to Sunday's game because I worked Sundays at the time. We missed a 5-0 shutout by young Brett Myers. Recently acquired Byung-Hyun Kim didn't fare so well.

The make-up finale was played on Labor Day. It was a Mike Schmidt bobblehead giveaway, which was also postponed from the earlier game. {Schmidt's bat has since been broken on our display model, but we have one unopened in its original box. It'll be our big moneymaker some day.}

Christine couldn't come because she was visiting her newborn niece in Texas. She missed a doozy. It was a great back-and-forth game - Phillies lead 4-0 after two; Red Sox tied it in the 3rd. In the 4th, the Red Sox scored one, the Phillies scored two. After the 8th, the Phillies increased their lead to 9-7 and handed the ball to Mesa to save it. The Red Sox bled in the tying runs off Mesa and Turk Wendell before a Trot Nixon grand slam pretty much ended it. Even Kim, now relieving again, couldn't blow this lead. (He was already in the game and got the win.)

It took forever to get home because without Christine co-piloting, I got lost in Philadelphia. I'm geographically challenged, and somehow this season I've finally learned how to get to and from the park without Christine's help. {Considering that the ballpark is right over the Walt Whitman bridge, this really isn't a huge challenge. But I'm glad Greg has finally learned his way.}

[Photo credit of Papi: Boston Globe]

Phils lick Braves; Sox lick their wounds

Christine was a little cranky tonight as Chris Coste popped up his first pitch in the 9th with the tying run on second and two outs in a 2-1 game.

"When Jamie Moyer gives up two runs, the Phillies should not be losing the game," she said earlier.

But Braves 2B Kelly Johnson dropped the pop-up, allowing the tying run to score; Pedro Feliz, trying to score the go-ahead run, was thrown out at home.

The Phils survived Tom Gordon's scary 9th inning and scored two in the 10th inning, highlighted by Shane Victorino's second triple of the game. The bottom of the 10th was also scary for Christine - who was blaming me for confidently starting a "Phillies win" post - as Brad Lidge put two on. Another hit seemed like it would tie the game, but Shane-O gunned out the tying run at home. Phils win, 4-3.

Will the Gordons match the Griffeys?: One of Gordon's sons, Devaris Strange-Gordon, was drafted by the Dodgers.

In Looneyville: The Sox lost an 8-0 drubbing to the Mariners, ending their 13-game home winning streak. Bartolo Colon had his first poor outing. Only three of his six runs were earned, but he can only blame himself for making two errors.

Suspensions have been handed down for yesterday's fight. Red Sox: Coco Crisp, 7 games; Jon Lester, 5 games; and Sean Casey, 3 games. Rays: James Shields, 6 games; Jonny Gomes, 5 games; Edwin Jackson, 5 games; Carl Crawford, 4 games; and Akinori Iwamura, 3 games.

Manny and Kevin Youkilis patched things up, but still no strong indication what that dust-up was about. They say Jacoby Ellsbury is day-to-day.

Sox-Phils interleague history, 1998: Phillies swept two in Boston, then split two at home. I can't believe they played four games home and away without a day off. I don't remember interleague play being set up like that. I digress. I had come down to Trenton from North Jersey for a school function, so Christine and I caught the Wednesday night game at Veterans Stadium. It was our first major league game together; we had been to a couple of minor league Trenton Thunder games previously (when they were an affiliate of the Red Sox, not the Yankees).

What a treat. Steve Avery was knocked out in the third after giving up seven runs. The Sox chipped away at Carlton Lower, but could only manage a not-as-close-as-it-looks 11-8 loss. Gregg Jefferies was the star of the game for the Phils. A general admission ticket cost $5. Other winners in that series were Wayne Gomes, Mark Portugal and Bret Saberhagen. Other losers were Tom Gordon (then a starter), Derek Lowe and Matt Beech, who in subsequent years would be part of a more infamous footnote in SoxandPhils lore.

Finally, a nice day at the park

An innings-eating start by Jamie Moyer, a clutch comeback by the offense and a shut-down performance by the bullpen. It was quite a win for the once-again first-place Phillies, 7-5 over the Marlins. (And, for the first time this year, we went to a game when it wasn't raining, freezing or both.)

The Phillies hung tough, even after the Marlins took a 5-1 lead in the 3rd. The turning point came in the 6th with the Phillies down 5-3. Geoff Jenkins pinch hit for So Taguchi with Pat Burrell on and two out. Moyer, who had thrown 81 pitches to that point, was on deck. I mused out loud whether Charlie Manuel would let him hit if Jenkins hit a homer. As soon as I said it, Jenkins crushed one to right. (Moyer struck out and then pitched a good 7th, making Cholly look like a genius, according to Christine.) The rest of the game seemed like a formality. It was just a matter of how they would win it.

Burrell answered that with a two-run double to the delight of this guy in our section who must be the biggest Pat the Bat fan out there. He always wears his jersey and starts a pronounced clap every time Don Henley starts playing Burrell's intro music. Although Burrell won the game, it wasn't all good for his fan. A kid about 12 years old dumped some chocolate ice cream on the back of the jersey. (You can see some of it near his left shoulder.) We're not sure if he felt it because he didn't seem to wipe it off.

In-game notes: Ryan Howard made not one but two great plays in the field. A diving catch of a bunt in the 7th. The inning before, he speared a liner and then doubled off the runner at first. ... Marlins CF Cody Ross had a nice catch off Pedro Feliz in the 3rd. We'll be watching Web gems tonight. ... Mike Jacobs' 2nd inning homer hit a billboard that says "great home run." ... Tom Gordon started out shaky in the 8th, walking the first batter and going two balls on the next, Hanley Ramirez. Jimmy Rollins went to the mound. It worked. Ramirez struck out and the next two flew out.

Pre-game festivities: Michael Scott Lieberthal, possibly the greatest Phillie to ever don the tools of ignorance, signed a one-day minor-league contract to retire in the red pinstripes. He threw out the first pitch, then caught a second first-pitch from some corporate sponsor.

Observations from the stands: J-Roll, who had been using the song from the Geico caveman in the airport commercial, has gone back to rap intro music. The Geico music ended just as quickly as it started; it was weird. ... I filled out 19 All-Star ballots. It got tedious, but I didn't want them to go to waste. ... Saw some odd jerseys today. We thought we'd see plenty of Lieberthals, but saw only one on the way out. We did spot a Curt Schilling from his Phillies day and a Daisuke Matsuzaka hat. But the kicker was a couple near us wearing home and away Doug Glanville jerseys.


We thought it was funny because we were at the game when New Jersey native Doug Glanville signed a one-day contract to retire as a Phil. He may have been the last player to do this before today.

Giveaways: Like Mother's Day, Father's Day was celebrated early at Citizens Bank Park. Although not a dad, I'm older than 15 and qualify for the giveaway: a picture of a hat. On a hat. Sometimes the Phillies marketing department is quite clever; sometimes they got nothing. Here's the hat on a hat, next to the pink visor Christine got on Mother's Day. (We forgot to post a picture of it last month.)


Red Sox: Another decent outing for Bartolo Colon and Manny Ramirez's 501st homer led the Sox past the Orioles, 9-4.

Phillies hit (with Christine watching)

The Phillies scored seven runs in the first two innings, dispelling my theory from yesterday that their offensive explosions coincide with Christine being unable to watch. Funny, tonight was the first time in a long time where we could watch the whole game, but then the skies opened up and delayed the game in the 8th. After a rain delay of almost an hour and a half, the Phils finally beat the Rockies 7-4. Every starter except for Carlos Ruiz and Kyle Kendrick had a hit.

In Seattle, the Red Sox trail the Mariners 3-0 in the 5th with the undefeated (entering the game anyway) Daisuke Matsuzaka pitching.

Speaking of aces, I'm starting to drink the Kool-Aid on Bartolo Colon after last night's win.

We need excuses for Christine to leave the house

I'm on a Red Sox e-mail list. In the great '04, I forgot how it all started, but it was decided that one woman was the Red Sox good luck charm by watching syndicated episodes of Becker. It was an unspoken bond between between her and the Sox; they would win as long as she wouldn't watch them.

This week, there have been three instances where the Phillies scored big when Christine wasn't watching: On Wednesday, they scored seven runs when we went out for ice cream; yesterday, they beat the Astros 15-6 when the cable was out; and tonight, we took a half-hour walk and missed the bulk of the six-run 4th inning that ignited a 20-5 rout of the Colorado Rockies. (Jamie Moyer now has a win against all 30 teams.)

I guess we're going on many walks and trips for ice cream this summer.

Oh, and yesterday's cable outage? Turns out we did cut a wire. Don't know how or where.

RIP: Geremi, or Jeremi, Gonzalez died after being struck by lightning. He was one of the many pitchers the Red Sox used in 2005 to try to replace Bronson Arroyo who was traded because we had too much pitching. I wish I had a better memory of Gonzalez.

Win a friggin' road game: In the 5th, Red Sox are up 1-0 in Seattle, where Bartolo Colon is trying to end the Sox three-game losing streak and keep pace with the first-place Tampa Bay Rays.

Phils' bats, and fat Bart, pitch in

We were surprised to see the Phillies score a couple of runs early. We were confident that they wouldn't blow it, so we went out for ice cream mid-game. It was 4-0 when we entered the shop, 11-0 when we returned to our car.

The Phillies offense returned tonight against the Nationals. Hopefully, it's not a one-night engagement. Ryan Howard had a big night (three hits, four RBI, 10 TB and one BB), pushing up his averages to .195/.300/.443. Clay Condrey pitched three innings to save the 12-2 game.

Meanwhile, back in the Fens, where young hungry pitchers rule supreme, it was an old and (literally) hungry Bartolo Colon having a respectable debut, giving up two runs on six hits and two walks in five innings, striking out four. I've been thinking this week that we have an excess of quality starting pitching. But then I remember the last time we had an excess of quality starting pitching, we traded Bronson Arroyo for Wily Mo Pena.

Meanwhile, Manny Ramirez didn't hit two home runs tonight, meaning he's one game without two home runs away from fulfilling his promise of not hitting his 500th on this homestand:

There's something I've been meaning to tell you about the 500 home runs. I don't want to hit 500 right now. I want to wait a little while. No one is talking about it. No one's excited about it. I want to wait until everyone's excited about it.

Great, Manny, go ask Jon Lester if the fans get excited about a significant achievement.

Big guy to the rescue

And for the first time since 2002, I'm not talking about David Ortiz or Curt Schilling. It's Bartolo Colon.

Since he was signed, I've largely avoided the trap of getting enamored of a big name and dreaming that all of a sudden he'll regain his past abilities. Now, with Josh Beckett's sore back and Daisuke Matsuzaka's impending fatherhood, there's a chance Colon may be more than just filler at Pawtucket.

The Globe's Nick Cafardo reports:

I can't tell you how many scouts from other teams have said to me this spring, "I wish we had signed him." A lot of teams passed and if things continue to go well, the Sox might have a real find.

And today he pitched well in his first major league game of the spring, though only two innings.

Farewell: Two-time champion and Tim Wakefield caddy, Doug Mirabelli, has been released. Sad because he's been around so long, but Kevin Cash should be able to catch the knuckler.

Other items: I hope Manny Ramirez, not Lenny Dykstra, is correct about the effects of reading on a batter's eye. And my new favorite scrub, Lincoln Holdzkom, was released by the Phillies but reclaimed by the Red Sox.

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon and other scary stories

Here are some of the scary thoughts I've had about Brad Lidge.

Yes, the surgery was successful, but I don't believe this three- to six-week time frame. Last year Brett Myers was supposed to miss two weeks; he missed two months. He was replacing Tom Gordon, who wasn't supposed to be injured at all but missed more than two months. So by Phillies injury prognosis, does that mean Lidge's three to six weeks translates into three months to the whole season?

I've been joking that the over-under for his return is the All-Star break.

If this injury does put the pen in shambles, will we see another triumphant return to Philadelphia of Jose Mesa? What about Antonio Alfonseca?

Back to Gordon. He had a historic year for the Sox in '98, but I blame him for blowing Game 4 of the ALDS against Cleveland. If he didn't blow that game, Pedro would have won the series the next day. (Christine and I went to see the Barenaked Ladies after the Red Sox lost the afternoon game. Funny I remember that.)

Jim Salisbury's column about Pat Gillick's intrigue with a 134-pound slab of beef did somehow reassure me. I still don't believe Lidge will be pitching for the Phils by early April, but since they weathered so many injuries last year, they'll survive this one too.

This is one big burger:


Keep Bartolo Colon away; he's got to get in shape.