Our evening with the Savannah Sand Gnats

Christine and I arrived home safely last night. (Technically this morning, thanks to some horrible weather around Washington and a South Carolina sheriff's officer who nailed me doing 70 MPH in a 70 MPH zone.)

Tonight, we timed dinner so we could eat while watching the Phillies-Cardinals game. Of course, there was a rain delay.

"It looks like we should be there," Christine joked when she saw the ominous sky over the ballpark. The game has resumed, but the delay gave me time to post about our top-secret baseball mission I hinted at on Monday.

Two years ago, when we went to Las Vegas, Christine and I went to a minor league game. We decided to make obscure baseball a vacation tradition and bought tickets to the Savannah Sand Gnats, a Single-A team of the New York Mets.

We had such beautiful weather in Georgia - except the afternoon of the game. It rained. But it stopped just in time for the game. We arrived to the grounds crew taking off the tarp.

A combination of the rain, a slick scorecard that didn't take to pencil too well and a longer-than-expected wait at the concession stands (the locals love their boiled peanuts) had me watching the game without keeping score. Too bad, because the hometown pitcher Jeurys Familia struck out 11 Hickory Crawdads (Rangers) in an 8-0 blowout.

The experience: Apparently, season ticket holders get their name on their seat. I couldn't prove whether J.A. Happ is a big Sand Gnat fan under an assumed name. The seats next to us were held by Paula Deen's The Lady and Sons restaurant. ... Paula Deen also has a concession deal selling items such as her pulled pork sandwich and gooey butter cake. ... They only have two umpires in Single-A. The home plate umpire took his job seriously, as if he's going to make it to the majors. He also had the smallest waist I've ever seen on a dude. ... The Gnats misspelled the name of their pitching coach Marc Valdes in their program. ... We also learned that Julio Franco is managing in the Mets minor league system. Isn't he too old to manage? ... A guy next to us wore a Pete Rose Reds jersey. I don't have a problem with that, except that it was a modern jersey. It should have been an old-school model.

The Gnats mascot, Gnate T. Gnat, sucked. He barely showed any life. Speaking of mascots, a toothbrush sponsored by a local dentist cleaned home plate in the middle of an inning. The beauty of minor league ball. ... The two brothers who competed in the dizzy bat contest were from Pittsburgh. ... Because of the rain, we missed out on beeper ball, a game with a beeping ball for blind people, that was to feature local celebrities. We're also missing next week's military day featuring Sgt. Slaughter. ... Just like when we go to a Phillies game, we sat in the second row. Yeah, right. The last time I was that close to the umpire was when I went oh-for-the-season in Little League. {Greg never told me he went oh-for-a-season. All he ever mentions is the year he hit .714.}

At one point, Christine wondered how the players could sit so close to the field and not get hit by a foul ball. I said it wasn't a problem. Seconds later, a ball rocketed into the dugout. No one was hurt. Later, Christine worried about a little girl who gripped the protective netting. Before I could say, "Great, you just jinxed that girl a broken hand," a ball hit the screen. The girl didn't get hurt. ... We were asked for a scouting report on prospect SS Wilmer Flores. He looks like a pre-roided Alex Rodriguez. He started off 0-4 before hitting an inside-the-park home run in his last at-bat that won a local $2,600 worth of lottery tickets because it occurred in the certain pre-selected inning. But it was a sham. He hit the ball to center field, and it bounced off the centerfielder's head, enabling Flores' "homer."

Conclusion: Fun time. The Sand Gnats looked tough, and the Mets would probably be a more formidable foe for the Phillies if they just called up all their Single-A players.

Tonight: The Red Sox lead the Orioles 3-1 in the 8th; the Phillies trail the Cardinals (retooled with Julio Lugo and Matt Holiday) 6-0 in the 7th.